...during the course of which he brought up his movie analogy. Now for my friend to use a word like analogy must mean he read it somewhere (unlikely), thought it meant something sexual (likely) or was just plain drunk. Anyway he presented me with this movie analogy in the course of our conversation.

But first let me tell you a little about my friend, whom we shall call John, for that is his name. Now John is a Manchester United fanatic and has been for years, even before they were great. As such he sees nothing further then the goings on at Old Trafford. If it didn't involve the Red Devils he didn't want to know. This even extended to Ireland on occasions especially when Saipan happened and I refused to talk to him after that for the longest time. Anyway, as a Bohs fan, I had several times tried to tempt the big lump to visit Dalymount to see a little of the League of Ireland but he would not budge. 

His argument was "it's shyte!" Far be it from me to point out that he had never seen a game so how could he judge it unless....anyway all LOI fans know the futility of trying to convert this locked mind individuals. He did go with me for a friendly between Bohs and United in the 1980's but as he was only interested in seeing the United players it defeated the purpose. I did go with him for Don Givens testimonial when Ireland played United but the abuse he gave Ireland and the argument that ensued meant never again. And I expect we all know Irish fans who think more of their British club side then Irish football as a whole so there is no need to labour the point.

Now to that conversation we were having. I was pointing out all the money he wasted supporting an English club and all the travelling he did could easily be spent supporting the local football and he could still support his English club. I myself like Arsenal in England but have only seen them play once and that was in a friendly against Bohs....and I was up for Bohs. I am a Bohs fan and only have an interest in other club sides. Like talking to a brick wall it was.

So the conversation lurched into the realms of fantasy (ya know - the fantasy that Liverpool, Man U, Everton, etc. are not really English as they are supported by Irish people - it is an argument they use, believe it or not) and the conversation ended up with the Movie analogy which went something like this:

ME FEIN: "So John, for that is your name, why don't you support a LOI club?"
JOHN: "Because they are crap!"
Now that usually leads to the fight, but not this time as I was getting a bit sick of ramming my face into his fist and slamming my groin against his knee. So instead I tried a different tack. I asked him to explain his analysis of the League of Ireland and that is where he came up with the movie analogy. This too will need a bit of explaining. Anyone ever involved in a conversation with a group of people will wonder how a conversation about football could end up being a discussion about the size of Angelena Jolie's arse but it does and this particular conversation lurched into the realms of Hollywood. And as illogical as that sounds it happens all too often and so John came up with this analogy.

JOHN "You like movies...especially that piece of crap MILLER'S CROSSING (he has never forgiven me for forcing him to watch it). You like football...especially that piece of crap (I don't know whether he meant Bohs or the entire LOI, but either way, a few expletives were aimed at him). I like movies. I like football. The difference is that whereas you go and see something like THE FIELD, an Irish movie, I would go and see SAVING PRIVATE RYAN, a foreign movie.....and the thing is so would you. So where as you go and see the Irish movie you really want to go and see the foreign one. Your round. I'll have a Guinness."

This got me thinking. How could it be my round when I don't even drink? But apart from that I was beginning to think this ignorant clod might have a point as well as a pint. Why do we go and watch the small independent Irish movie when there is a huge American blockbuster also on? (Now in case you think I have lost track of myself by bringing in American movies instead of British ones, it merely is a comparison with both the English and Irish League....and anyway, what British cinema!!!) So after getting him his pint, I countered with this: "Yeah, but I wouldn't travel over to the States and spend lodsa money to see it. I would wait until it came here!" Which is a stupid point but one that was going to shut him up. But, no, the man had a follow up point.

JOHN: "So that means if Manchester United were based here you would go and see them, even if it meant missing out on that muck you go and see"

I was astounded. He was actually making an argument! His usual reply began with F and ended with OFF. And I was stumped. At the time there was talk of Wimbledon moving to Dublin and changing their name to Dublin Dons or something like that but I wasn't going to desert the LOI for foreign muck then and so if it had of being Man U coming over and playing on a day when Bohs were playing then I'd go to Bohs. But why? I suppose it is the same reason why I used to go to LOI football when there was live games on the TV. Sure it was grand to see games involving Liverpool, Man U, Arsenal and the rest but my club was Bohs and that is where my loyalty lay. So I told him "No, I would not as I support Bohs. They are my club."

Now the Guinness must have an effect on his brain for next he came up with "So you would forgo the chance to see SAVING PRIVATE RYAN for an Irish movie even though you know the foreign one is better in every way. As are Man U, which are my club! Your round. I'll have a Guinness!" Now forget the fact that you can actually see both as they are usually on for a few weeks that was not the point of the conversation if there ever was one. Why watch an independent Irish movie when there is a big American blockbuster on offer? The answer struck me like the beer mat that was hurled by John to remind me that he wanted a packet of peanuts when I was getting his Guinness. 

ME FEIN: "John, for that is your name, I like movies and if I had the choice of seeing one or the other I would probably go and see the Irish movie. I like independent film and the Irish film council encourages this and by going to see it I support Irish movie making. That does not mean I would not watch the American blockbuster as I like movies. So as I like football I would like to see a big match in England...on TV......but when push comes to shove I am a supporter of Irish football and my club side is Irish. Your club side is English and you support English football. And as to your argument that LOI football is crap and that’s why you won't go then taking your movie analogy you would never go see an Irish movie as they are all crap......including THE SNAPPER (which is his favourite Irish movie). So you would only go to American blockbuster movies even though some of them are crap and ignore all Irish movies. Therefore all your money will go to the States and the Irish movie industry would die a death (never mind that it almost has)?"

JOHN: "No! As I would go and see Irish movies too"

ME FEIN: "Then why, pray tell, do you not go to see League of Ireland football?"

JOHN: "Because it is crap!"

Even using his movie logic against him there was no winning.  And anyway the conversation, as usual, was getting stranger and stranger. But the Movie analogy possibly had merit.
As a movie fan you would want to see the AVATAR''s, the STAR WAR's and the INDIANA JONES's of this world but as a movie fan you would not deny yourself the chance to see the small independent movies either. And you would not write off a movie (without seeing it) as it was crap. 

Alright, it may be crap but not all the time, a bit like the stuff that comes from Hollywood.  In fact, you are more likely to see crap from Hollywood then in the small little independent films. And there is another factor. You go to Irish cinemas to watch all sorts of movies. You don't hop on a boat to England, watch a blockbuster and come home and tell all your mates what a great trip it was. And you don't claim a right to say WE when referring to the people who were at the English cinema with you and claim that this is the cinema you always watch movies at and it is the best cinema in the world. Now you see how foolish it sounds apply that logic to football. 

Okay, I am losing track of myself here and I really have to go to work. In the tradition of YBIG I will provide a summary of the above so you don't have to read it. I simply wrote this to get the blogs on YBIG going again and really don't have a point to make except I miss the blogs.
 
The character John is an amalgamation of several people I know and does not really exist. Any similarity between people living or dead is purely coincidental. Please leave your 3D glasses in the bins provided. Have a nice trip and thank you for visiting us. Please call again but leave the attitude in the car. May Almighty God have mercy on you and remember part two of Harry Potter is coming out in just a few short weeks. Book you seats now.

Words: Donal Cullen